How to Talk Romance Like a Zoomer: Fifty-One Niche Words for Love, Sex and Questionable Conduct

This period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “ghosting” entered the mainstream. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed guide to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reply is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This means seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to date a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {